Growing up in the 90's

Sometimes you think you know someone so well until one day they make a comment or share something on social media that completely throws you off and leaves you mystified.
First of all, let me start by saying that I love people. All people. All colors, all sizes, even different religions. My Momma raised me right and taught me to get to know each person individually and judge them on how they treated me and no other reason. The best lesson I've ever learned.

It is time for some soul searching.

When I was a kid my best friends were black and white girls. I never had just a certain type of friend. I wasn't raised any certain "kind" of way... people were always people and if they were nice, I was too. I had tons of friends in different places - Greendale, WI; Franklin, WI; Apalachicola, FL; Winter Garden, FL; Orlando, FL; Fayetteville, GA; Newnan, GA; and those places in my youngest years on the West Coast. I was always good at keeping in touch with my friends and cousins with letter writing. Now in the day of Social Media it is so easy to IM someone or text their cell... most don't take the time for a phone call (me included sorry to say).

The first fight I ever got into told me a lot about the part of life that I didn't understand. I think that also had a lot to do with my relationships going forward with black girls (I'm generalizing for a reason). I will never forget it. I was in 6th grade and got my ass kicked by a girl who basically just wanted the jump rope I had so her and her friend could use it. I remember her pulling my hair and hitting me and all I thought was - seriously, a jump rope? But there was more to it.
When we got into the office the principal asked her what started the fight. She said I called her the N word. I didn't even know what that meant. I had never heard it. EVER. Until that day.

The Principal (who happened to be a black woman and new to our school) called my Mom and she came to the school immediately. My Mom is a whole nother level and I am so much like her it can be scary. She went off. She told her - Do you not know who my child is? Do you not know her best friend is also black? Have you asked my daughter what happened?? I remember how the Principal took pity on the other girl even though I was the one with a swollen face and crying so hard I could barely talk because I couldn't understand why someone would be so hateful to me. By the end of that week I understood. As word got out about that fight, most of the black girls stopped speaking to me and it was the black guys that took up for me when the story circulated. I stood my ground and told the truth to any who asked. I appreciated my mom for having my back and knowing that she raised a good girl. I knew as each second passed that I was not going to win that battle in that office. I couldn't understand it then but looking back I feel it was just easiest for that girl to say whatever she could to keep herself out of trouble and why not through the white girl under the bus with a semi-believable story. BUT she didn't know me. She didn't know I was stronger than what she thought. I was never scared of her, didn't try to avoid her, and also never attempted to be any kind of friend to her - all I knew was that she wasn't someone I wanted to be associated with, and that was that.

I had my first boyfriend in 8th grade - you know, the hallway kind of relationship. He was sweet, tall, and black. I thought he was tough and funny. It only lasted a few weeks which is pretty good for 8th grade. The comments that were thrown my way were from the black girls... that was fine. I didn't understand why I never saw any black girls talk to the white guys - It seemed like a non-option for them. I remember my friends that year saying things like "my parents would disown me" "my grandparents would never speak to me again"... Huh? They are your family. They love you. Why??

People are people. And completely unexplainable sometimes.
The summer before freshman year was the best. I went to Florida on vacation with my dad and met a gorgeous Italian with whom I shared my first real kiss. He had a low cut and goatee - and 19. I was officially falling for boys on the regular.

High School was crazy because I moved at the beginning of 10th grade to Florida and then each year it was a new school due to moving, moving, moving!!
My freshman year was full of relationship lessons. I fell hard for my best guy friend who lived in Milwaukee after spending every night on the phone with him during 8th grade summer break and when school started it was hard to deal. I wanted just as much attention but we were FRIENDS and BEST friends which made it awkward on my behalf. So we stopped talking completely until about half way through football season (I was the Team Manager/water girl lol) and then I was able to move past myself as only a 14 year old can. I had a lot of friends who were all different but one thing started being more consistent and that was the types of people I became more comfortable with. White girls and Black guys.
I left Wisconsin after six years and a ton of friends who threw me the best going away party ever and had me walking the school halls with at least a dozen balloons. We also hit the mall (where I ran into yet another guy who happened to be a super sweet heart (white guy may I add) and got a hug bye which my girlfriends freaked out about to head to Apalachicola.
That is where I began to understand why what the girl said to the Principal back in middle school could be so believable. Something about me that people try to block out or just arent' aware of is that whether White, Italian, Mexican, Black... it was about the person and how they treated me.
I dated a white guy at school in Apalach and he was so sweet. But he wasn't the one for me. A few other guys tried to talk to me but I just wanted to enjoy the attention for a while. I really liked a guy at church in Tallahassee. We were already friends after meeting him at multiple times while taking vacations to see my family previously to moving down.
I have never been a person to hide anything from anyone and was very proud of the guy I started dating. He was very sweet to me, protective, a Godly young man (we met in church and both were very involved), and we enjoyed spending time together without any heavy duty stuff. At school, I heard that I was a N Lover... that was so stupid. Really?? People say that?? But yes, in that part of the country at that time (1995), they did and more. It was common knowledge that unless you lived in Eastpoint that black folks didn't too much come over the bridge at night. Why not was not discussed.

I was motivated to be part of a change the attitude and mindset of the kids my age and had a very diverse group of friends. It helped me a lot that I had cousins at school with me and Aunts and Uncles very involved in the community. I say it helped me because even though I was openly in a interracial relationship in the deep south, I didn't have to deal with negativity being thrown my way openly - it was more of a step in the right direction. The direction of knowing that it's not about the past, or how the older people felt, it was about that moment in time. Each day getting to know more people that you may not have talked to before or ever imagined you could have relationships with. It was eye opening for the adults in the way that they now had to answer the tough question of what would you do?. And being a Christian family as ours was - the answer was always love and acceptance. I had a blast my sophomore year at Apalachicola High School and loved my time spent on St. George Island and Apalachicola.

Then it was time to move again.... Winter Garden here I come.